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MY PEN​-​IS AN ILLUSION [Digitally Remastered]

by The Santairs

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1.
LOVE OF THE LOVED OF THE LOVED 03:50
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MY LOVE, YOU JUST LEFT ME. NO MORE PROMISES FOR ME TO KEEP. YOU PUT ME DOWN. YOU HAD ME GO 'ROUND THINKING THAT YOU STILL LOVED ME. I'M IN SO MUCH DISGUST. YOU NEVER LOVE, ALL YOU GIVE IS LUST. I'M JUST A CLOWN WITH A SAD-FACED FROWN. I WAS FOOLED AGAIN. YOU ARE THE LOVE OF THE LOVED OF THE LOVED, AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF YOU. BUT IF YOU WON'T HAVE ME, MY HEART WILL BREAK IN TWO. GIVE ME JUST ONE MORE CHANCE. SHALL WE HAVE THIS ONE LAST DANCE? I'VE BEEN ON MY OWN. I HATE BEING ALL ALONE, SO COME ON BACK TO ME. (SOLO) SO IT'S TRUE THAT GOOD GUYS FINISH LAST. I LOST MY LOVE IN FUTURE AND IN PAST. YOU ARE NOT FOR ME, BECAUSE ALL I CAN BE IS A MAN THAT LOVES YOU SO. YOU ARE THE LOVE OF THE LOVED OF THE LOVED, AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF YOU. AND IF YOU WON'T HAVE ME, MY HEART WILL BREAK IN TWO. YOU ARE THE LOVE OF THE LOVED OF THE LOVED, AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF YOU. BUT IF YOU WON'T HAVE ME, MY HEART WILL BREAK IN TWO. YOU ARE THE LOVE OF THE LOVED OF THE LOVED, LOVE OF THE LOVED OF THE LOVED, YOU ARE THE LOVE OF THE LOVED OF THE LOVED, AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF YOU.
2.
voices of messages 01:59
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AVANT-GARDE RECORDING
3.
THAT'S THE BAD PART 2 (SINGLE, LONGER, SLOWER, DIFFERENT, FASTER, LENGTHY, BORING, MIXED, UNCUT, MEDIUM VERSION) 02:16
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PLEASE COME WITH ME. HE'S NO GOOD. COME STAY WITH ME JUST LIKE YOU SHOULD. IF YOU GO WITH HIM, THEN YOU MAY SEE, ALL HE IS IS A FOOL. THAT'S ALL HE'LL EVER BE. THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. AND THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. YEA, THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. IF YOU COME WITH ME, I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT TO DO. I'LL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING, AND ALL MY LOVIN' TOO. HE HAS NO LIFE. HE'LL PUT YOU DOWN. YOU'LL FEEL LIKE A FOOL. HE'LL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A CLOWN. AND THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO, AND THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. AND THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. (SOLO) I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I JUST WANT YOU HERE, SO I CAN BE WITH YOU. I WANT YOU NEAR. NOW YOU RAN OFF WITH HIM, RIGHT BY HIS SIDE. HE'LL TREAT YOU BADLY. ALL HE DOES IS LIE. AND THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. YEA, THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. AND THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO. AND THAT'S THE BAD PART TOO.
4.
YOUR SMILE 02:07
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JUST TO SEE YOU SMILE IS ALL I NEED AND JUST TO SEE YOU HERE IS ENOUGH FOR ME. ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS TO HOLD YOUR HAND AND LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS, BUT THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. OH, HO! JUST TO SEE A SMILE RIGHT ON YOUR FACE BRIGHTENS EVERY ROOM NO MATTER WHAT PLACE. ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS A KISS FROM YOU AND TAKE YOU ON A WALK AND LOVE A LITTLE TOO. OH, HO! JUST TO HAVE YOU NEAR, RIGHT BY MY SIDE, LOVE YOU FOR ETERNITY AND TO HOPE TO MAKE YOU MINE. I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE WITH YOU THROUGH THE ENDLESS MILES. AS LONG AS I CAN COME ON HOME AND SEE YOUR SMILING FACE, YOUR FACE. (SOLO) JUST TO HAVE YOU HUG ME AND TO HOLD ME TIGHT MAKES ME REST ASSURED THAT EVERYTHING'S RIGHT. JUST TO SEE YOU SMILE IS WHAT I LONG FOR. ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS TO LOVE YOU SOME MORE. OH, HO!, MM!
5.
WELL NOW 02:58
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WELL NOW, YOU'VE GOT ME RUNNIN'. WELL NOW, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN DOIN'. WELL NOW, YOU'VE GOT ME GOIN'. WELL NOW, BABY IT'S BEEN SHOWIN'. (SOLO) WELL NOW, WHAT YOU'VE BEEN SAYIN'? WELL NOW, IT'S REALLY HURTIN'. WELL NOW, YOU ARE SO FINE. WELL NOW, WISH THAT YOU WERE MINE. I'VE BEEN SAYIN' SO LONG AGO, LOVE WILL COME SOMEDAY. SINCE YOU'VE LEFT ME, AND I FEEL SO BAD, THERE'S NOTHING ELSE I CAN SAY. WELL NOW, WHAT YOU DO TO ME, WELL NOW, IT'S GETTIN' HARDER TO SEE. WELL NOW, WHAT YOU'RE PUTTIN' ME THROUGH... WELL NOW, SHAME ON YOU! (SOLO) WELL NOW, I GOT TO GO. WELL NOW, I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE. WELL NOW, THIS WAS A LIE. WELL NOW, THIS IS GOOD-BYE.
6.
TO BE IN LOVE 02:20
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ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I KNOW IT'S OKAY TO BE IN LOVE. ALL I KNOW IS THAT LOVE WILL SHOW IF YOU'RE IN LOVE. ALL I THINK OF IS A THING I KNOW OF, AND THAT IS LOVE. I KNOW IT'S ALL RIGHT TO STAND UP AND FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE. I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER GO 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY LOVE. I KNOW WE CAN BE SO HAPPY YOU AND ME, 'CAUSE I'M IN LOVE. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOUR SWEET TOUCH, 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY LOVE. I KNOW IT'S OKAY TO LOVE EVERY DAY WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IS A THING I CAN'T EXPLAIN. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE CAN CAUSE SUCH PAIN. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE CAN CAUSE SUCH WONDERFUL JOY, 'CAUSE LOVE IS FOR GIRLS AND BOYS. I WISH TO DANCE AND SING AND YOU TO WEAR MY RING, 'CAUSE WE'RE IN LOVE. WE'LL WALK HAND IN HAND AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND ALL THIS LOVE. I KNOW IT IS GOOD 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD WHEN I'M IN LOVE. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I KNOW IT'S OKAY TO BE IN LOVE. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IS A THING I CAN'T EXPLAIN. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE CAN CAUSE SUCH PAIN. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE CAN CAUSE SUCH WONDERFUL JOY, LOVE IS FOR GIRLS AND BOYS. I WISH TO DANCE AND SING AND YOU TO WEAR MY RING, 'CAUSE WE'RE IN LOVE. WE'LL WALK HAND IN HAND AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND ALL THIS LOVE. I KNOW IT IS GOOD 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD WHEN I'M IN LOVE. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I KNOW IT'S OKAY TO BE IN LOVE.
7.
CAN I CARRY ON 02:31
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CAN I CARRY ON? IS THE QUESTION I FIND INSIDE OF MY MIND. CAN I CARRY ON? THE WORDS I HEAR WHEN YOU'RE NOT NEAR. CAN I CARRY ON? IF YOU'RE NOT TRUE WHEN I'M WITH YOU, CAN I CARRY ON? WHEN YOU'RE AWAY, IT DARKENS MY DAY. WHAT IS THE MEANING TO THIS HEARTACHE? I'VE BEEN ASKIN' FOR AWHILE. WHAT IS THE MEANING TO THIS LOVE? YOU KEEP ME GOIN' WITH A SMILE. CAN I CARRY ON? IS WHAT I SAY, DAY BY DAY. CAN I CARRY ON? IF YOU SHOULD LEAVE, WHERE WOULD I BE? CAN I CARRY ON? WHEN YOU SAY GOODBYE, BABY I'D DIE. CAN I CARRY ON? IF YOU WERE GONE, THERE'D BE NO ONE. WHAT IS THE MEANING FOR THIS HEARTACHE? I'VE BEEN SEARCHIN' FOR AWHILE. WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THIS LOVE? YOU KEEP ME GOIN' WITH YOUR SMILE. CAN I CARRY ON? IF I LOST YOU, WHAT WOULD I DO? CAN I CARRY ON?
8.
I CRIED 02:16
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WHEN THEY SAID YOU DON'T LOVE ME, I CRIED ALL NIGHT ON MY KNEES. IF YOU WERE TELLING ME THOSE LIES, THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO BUT CRY, THEN WAIT AND SEE. WHEN THEY SAID YOU'LL LEAVE ME ALONE, I CRIED AGAIN ON MY OWN. IF YOU WANTED TO STAY AWAY, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE TODAY, AND AGAIN, I'M ALONE. EVERY TIME YOU LEAVE ME, I CRY. HOW LONG WILL I FEEL THIS WAY? EVERY TIME YOU LEAVE, I DIE. NOW HEAR THE WORDS I HAVE TO SAY: THIS TIME, I'LL LEAVE YOU TONIGHT, TO CRY ALONE ALL NIGHT. AND IF YOU EVER COME BACK TO ME, YOU BETTER CRAWL ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES, AND THEN I MIGHT, I MIGHT TAKE YOU BACK. I MIGHT TAKE YOU BACK.
9.
FOR YOU 03:41
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I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I KNOW IT WAS REAL. IT'S HARD; I TRIED TO CONCEAL OUR LOVE. I KNOW YOU WERE THE ONE. I'M NOT ASHAMED OF WHAT WE'VE DONE. WE HAD LEARNED SO MUCH FROM ONE LOVE. PLEASE BELIEVE ME THAT I CARE. I KNOW LIFE'S NOT FAIR. THE SKIES STAY BLUE ALL BECAUSE OF YOU. YES, YOU KNOW IT HURTS SO MUCH. I FEEL IT TOO. PEOPLE SAID WE WERE WRONG. THEY SAID OUR LOVE WASN'T STRONG, BUT HERE AM I SINGING THIS SONG FOR YOU. MY MEMORIES STAY WITH YOU. FORBIDDEN LOVE, DIED TOO SOON. I UNDERSTAND I LOVE YOU, I DO. I STILL LOVE YOU. OUR LOVE WILL CONTINUE. THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE ARE NOW ALL THROUGH. OHO! (SOLO) YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. YOU KNOW IT WAS REAL. WE TRIED SO HARD TO CONCEAL THIS LOVE. I STILL CARE FOR YOU, OH SO MUCH, AND IT HURTS TOO. PLEASE BELIEVE I'LL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU. I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU IN MY HEART. I LOVE YOU.
10.
THE STORY OF I (HARE KRISHNA) 02:48
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THERE’S A STORY I WANT TO TELL. IT’S JUST ABOUT THINGS. MY TEACHER SAID NEVER USE THAT WORD, “THINGS.” WELL, WHO GIVES A JIVE? DO PEOPLE LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY? WHAT I WANT TO SAY? WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT? WELL PEOPLE! DO YOU? NO! I DIDN’T THINK SO. ONLY A HANDFUL OF YOU I TOUCH. YOU OTHERS CAN FLY OFF THE BLIMP. HOPE YOU LAND ON YOUR BLOODY HEAD. I WAS ONCE A JOLLY AND HAPPY OLD MAN. NOW, I’M A BOY. EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO TO THE BATHROOM. I’M BACK! YOU MUST ALL THINK I’M JUST CRAZY. IF SO, SCRUFF YOURSELF WITH AN IRON. REMEMBER, THIS IS A STORY; A SHORT STORY OF I. I? THE BEST WORD I KNOW, “I.” WELL SIRS AND MISSES, THIS IS IT. I SAY TOO MUCH ANYWAY. JUST GAB, GAB, GAB JUST LIKE YOU DO. WHERE’S MY LOGIC MR. SPOCK? THIS COMPLETES MY STORY. HAPPY HONAKA! AND HARE, HARE KRISHNA, HARE KRISHNA.
11.
LAST NIGHT I SAW THE ARMY 01:42
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LAST NIGHT I SAW THE ARMY. LAST NIGHT THEY CROSSED THE SEA. LAST NIGHT I SAW THE ARMY REACHIN' TO GET AFTER ME. LAST NIGHT I SAW THE ARMY. LAST NIGHT THEY CROSSED THE SEAS. LAST NIGHT I SAW THE ARMY REACHIN' TO GET AFTER ME. I HAD A VISION WITH MEN IN THEIR BOATS, SEEIN' THEM DYING WAY OUT A-FLOAT. THE WAR THEY FOUGHT, THEY FOUND IN THEIR WILLS, FOR THEY HAVE DIED FOR THE PEOPLE THEY'VE KILLED. LAST NIGHT I SAW THE ARMY. LAST NIGHT THEY CROSSED THE SEA. LAST NIGHT I SAW THE ARMY REACHIN' TO GET AFTER ME. (SOLO) LAST NIGHT I SAW THE ARMY. LAST NIGHT THEY CROSSED THE SEAS. LAST NIGHT I SAW THE ARMY REACHIN' TO GET AFTER ME, REACHIN' TO GET AFTER ME, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.
12.
WHAT YOU SAY 03:48
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I KNOW ABOUT LOVE. I LOVE YOU GIRL. I KNOW ABOUT YOU. YOU LOVE ME TOO. SO WHAT I SAY IS TRUE; WHAT I SAY IS TRUE TO YOU. I CARE 'BOUT LOVE, 'CAUSE I FEEL SO BLUE. YES, I FEEL SO SAD, 'CAUSE I LOST THE GIRL I HAD. SO WHAT I SAY IS TRUE. WHAT I SAY IS TRUE TO YOU. WITH A LOVE THAT'S SAD BUT TRUE, I HAD TO LEAVE ALL BECAUSE OF YOU. GIVE ME DEATH OR GIVE ME LOVE, 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE GIRL I'VE BEEN DREAMIN' OF. (SOLO) I LOVE YOU SO, BUT NOW I HAVE TO GO. SO WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE. WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE TO YOU.
13.
LAMENT OF NON-WISDOM 08:51
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I FEEL LOST AND SO HOPELESS. I FEEL GONE FROM MY SOUL. BUT WHEN I REALIZE THAT THE PAIN HAS LEFT ME NOW, IT’S ONLY TIME BEFORE I FEEL IT SOME MORE. WON’T YOU PLEASE HELP ME? DEAR GOD, CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME? I’M JUST SITTING HERE, LETTING TIME PASS BY IN MY EMPTY ROOM WITH DARKNESS. I SIT AND CRY. THE ONLY THING I THINK OF IS SORROW. AND I DON’T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO SEE TOMORROW. I NEED SOMEONE’S HELP—ANYONE'S. JUST PLEASE HELP ME. I’M OPENING UP AND AS HONEST I CAN BE. IT’S AT NIGHT AND I’M ALL ALONE. THERE’S JUST ME AND MY TALENT. I’LL REMAIN AT HOME, ALONE. YES, I HAVE FRIENDS WHO CARE FOR ME, BUT THEY HAVE TIME THEMSELVES FOR THEM TO BE FREE. THEY MUST LIVE ON WITH THEIR LIVES AND I MUST GO ON WITH MINE. BUT IT’S HARD, I KNOW, WHEN THERE’S NOTHING TO FIND. SHOW ME A LIGHT. SHOW ME ANYTHING FOR I NEED IT SO AND I NEED IT MORE. I FEEL EMPTY AND LOST INSIDE; THOUGH I KNOW I’VE TRIED. IT’S A PAIN I CAN NEVER HIDE. OH HOW I TRIED TO LEAVE IT, TO LOSE IT, TO GIVE IT AWAY, BUT IT STAYS. THE TEARS FROM MY EYES ARE NOT REAL, BUT THEY ARE THERE. THAT’S WHAT I FEEL. IF THERE IS A GOD, I HOPE HE HELPS ME FOR NOW. I’M TOO BLIND TO SEE. IS THIS A DREAM? I DON’T KNOW. EVERYWHERE I TURN, I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO GO. I SEE A FRIEND OF MINE WALKING ALL ALONE. BUT NOW SHE’S GONE, I’M STRANDED HERE, ON MY OWN. WITHOUT THE LOVE OF HERS TO GUIDE ME, WHERE DO I GO? I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T KNOW. WILL SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE, JUST GET ME HOME? I WAS ONCE A MAN WHO FELT NO PAIN, BUT THAT WAS A LIE I WAS LIVING. THERE WAS NOTHING TO GAIN. MY OWN STUPIDITY HAS BLINDED ME IN THIS LIFE. WILL YOU GOD, IF THERE IS A GOD, PLEASE HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH ALL RIGHT? MORE THAN ONE GOD? THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE GOD? THERE ARE MORE! THERE IS MORE! THERE IS NO GOD, THAT’S WHAT I BELIEVE. ALL THAT I’VE SEARCHED FOR, THERE’S NOTHING I CAN PERCEIVE, FOR MY PERCEPTIONS ARE CLATTERED BY THE CLOUDS IN THE SKY. NEVER DID I THOUGHT OF SUICIDE. NEVER DID I THOUGHT OF DYING. WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE HEAL MY SICKNESS? GET ME WELL! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I’D RATHER BE IN HELL. I CAN’T BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL, THOUGH I KNOW IT’S REAL. OH, WHAT CAN I DO? I LOVE YOU! ALL OF YOU! YES, I DO! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! DOES THAT NOT DESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE SAVED BY ALL OF YOU, OR BE KILLED BY ALL OF YOU? BUT THEN I REALIZED, AND THEN I START TO SEE IT ALL. AND THEN I SEE: ALL THERE’S LEFT IS ME.
14.
THE POINT OF NO RETURN/THE POINT OF NO RETURN VOL. TWO TOO (EDITION) OR MR. X 02:26
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I HAD A CAR; IT WENT BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, DEE-BOOM. WOO! I HAD A TIME AND IT PASSED AWAY. I HAD A TIME AND IT PAST AWAY INTO NON- EXISTENT TERRITORY. .

about

These collection of songs combines the fun with the odd. You can call it a variety of various degrees of silliness and seriousness. This album is where gut bucket rock and roll meets the psychedelic and produces some avant-garde offspring. This is The Santairs 24th album release (25th if you include the ZERO numbered album of IT'S MY MIND.)

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released September 2, 2015

Wayde K. Brown (Total Running Time: 43:33)

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The Santairs Auburn, Washington

I am a musician, singer, and songwriter doing this part-time but have been doing it all my life. I started singing before I could talk at the age of one, and wrote my first real song at 15 years of age. (If you count avant-garde as a song, then the age would be 7.) I currently own my own recording studio; and I write, perform, and record my own music (and other's from time to time.) I am Santairs. ... more

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