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about

I wrote this song when I was around 17-18 years old. It was semi-autobiographical (more figuratively than literally) concerning my feelings at that time in my life. I was also listening to a lot of Bob Dylan and was very intrigued by his music. For the recording, I used a two track recorder and recorded the acoustic guitar and lead vocals in one take. I had the recording stored on a cassette tape and put it away until October, 2016. I used the cassette recording to add backing vocals, tambourine, and a bass part, keeping it as simple as I could. So this is another song where I blended the older recording with a new recording, 30 years later.
This is song #268.

Recorded at The CELL BLOCK STUDIO in Auburn, WA.

lyrics

I've Been Scorned As A Child. Though Laughed At, I Smiled,
Still Feeling Emptiness. I'm Always Alone, Sitting At Home, Dying.
I Cry When I Sleep, And Always I Weep, Pretending That I'm Feeling Less.
I Sleep When I Cry, Wishing To Die, Oh My.

And Oh That Feeling Of Feeling Sorrow And Pain,
With The People Acting To Be Kind.
But When I See The World That's Being--Disdain,
I Know That I've Been So Blind.

I've Been Beaten And Raped, And So Much I Ache, With Hurt In My Head.
Though I Turn Back Around, I Fall To The Ground Instead.

Oh That Feeling Of Feeling That I'm Being Used,
I Hear Some Words Of Hate.
Yet When I Feel That I Am Being Abused,
I Know My Last Coming Fate.

I've Been Sad As A Child. My Lifestyle, So Mild.
I Feel That Something Instead
Is Trying To Say That Maybe Someday I'll Be Dead.
But I Know I'll Live On, Writing My Songs, Singing To Everyone.
And Someday I'll Be So Happy And Free, I See.
I Need To Go On.

credits

from INDEFATIGABLY avant​-​garde (2024 Remaster), released November 17, 2016
Wayde K. Brown

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The Santairs Auburn, Washington

I am a musician, singer, and songwriter doing this part-time but have been doing it all my life. I started singing before I could talk at the age of one, and wrote my first real song at 15 years of age. (If you count avant-garde as a song, then the age would be 7.) I currently own my own recording studio; and I write, perform, and record my own music (and other's from time to time.) I am Santairs. ... more

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