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about

This is the longer, professionally recorded version of this song. I took actual recorded elements from the demo I made as a teenager (the other version) and incorporated some of those parts into this version.

This is song #251.

Recorded at The CELL BLOCK Studio in Auburn, WA.

lyrics

I'VE BEEN SCORNED AS A CHILD. THOUGH LAUGHED AT, I SMILED,
STILL FEELING EMPTINESS. I'M ALWAYS ALONE, SITTING AT HOME, DYING.
I CRY WHEN I SLEEP, AND ALWAYS I WEEP, PRETENDING THAT I'M FEELING LESS.
I SLEEP WHEN I CRY, WISHING TO DIE, OH MY.
AND THE WORLD GOES BY AS I'M TELLING LIES, NOT FOOLING ANYONE.
BUT WHEN I DO FIND MY PEACE OF MIND, IT'S GONE.

AND OH THAT FEELING OF FEELING SORROW AND PAIN,
WITH THE PEOPLE ACTING TO BE KIND.
BUT WHEN I SEE THE WORLD THAT'S BEING--DISDAIN,
I KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN SO BLIND.

I'VE BEEN BEATEN AND RAPED, AND SO MUCH I ACHE, WITH HURT IN MY HEAD.
THOUGH I TURN BACK AROUND, I FALL TO THE GROUND INSTEAD.
YET I AM A MAN, I FEEL I AM DAMNED TO THIS WORLD I DISTRUST.
I'M TRULY ALONE IN THIS WORLD I ROAM MADE OF DUST.

OH THAT FEELING OF FEELING THAT I'M BEING USED,
I HEAR SOME WORDS OF HATE.
YET WHEN I FEEL THAT I AM BEING ABUSED,
I KNOW MY LAST COMING FATE.

I'VE BEEN SAD AS A CHILD. MY LIFESTYLE, SO MILD.
I FEEL THAT SOMETHING INSTEAD
IS TRYING TO SAY THAT MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL BE DEAD.
BUT I KNOW I'LL LIVE ON, WRITING MY SONGS, SINGING TO EVERYONE.
AND SOMEDAY I'LL BE SO HAPPY AND FREE, I SEE.
I NEED TO GO ON.

credits

from CASTLE OF TEARS [Digitally Remastered], released February 13, 2017
Wayde K. Brown

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all rights reserved

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The Santairs Auburn, Washington

I am a musician, singer, and songwriter doing this part-time but have been doing it all my life. I started singing before I could talk at the age of one, and wrote my first real song at 15 years of age. (If you count avant-garde as a song, then the age would be 7.) I currently own my own recording studio; and I write, perform, and record my own music (and other's from time to time.) I am Santairs. ... more

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